Be warned

It's been that kind of weekend. You know the one, as soon as you are by yourself, loads of things happen that you could really use help with. Good times.

For instance, Friday night a favorite tree came down in my front yard, conveniently landing such that it blocks the neighbors driveway. Apparently, it had rotted inside and looked perfectly healthy outside. Now, birds employ a survival method where when one of them is sick they act normal until they drop dead. This is a survival method which insures the flock won't desert it, thus offering it the protection and comfort of numbers. Does this happen in trees? Was my this tree afraid all the others were going to come lumbering across the yard, Ent-like, and murder it in it's sleep? Who can say?

Now for the fun part. And this one's a little scary, folks. Last night I was sitting at my computer, minding my own business when my faithful dog (well, not really a dog-she's a 6 pound chihuahua) started growling at the door. Moments later, I thought I heard someone try the door and she went crazy barking her head off. I guess they took off when they heard her ferocious bark. Good dog, that bug.

Naturally, I grabbed the phone and quietly retreated to the other room, calling the cops as I went. The po-po came, had a look around around and seemed to think I was some kind of alarmist. Whatever. All good, right?

Well no. I am pissed. How dare some jackass come on to my property and freak me out like that? I live in a subdivision in a very low-crime area. I will not live my life in fear and trepidation. And trust me, if someone does get in here, I'm not going down without a fight.

Oh screw. I'm tired of waiting for the tree guy. I'm going to go get a pedicure and buy a shotgun.