Passing of a Noodle

This is a sad post, folks, though many of you will think I'm silly.

The day finally came that my little rat, Noodle, could go no further. She had cancer and we knew that the time to say goodbye would come soon. We had her put down last evening. She died peacefully with me holding her and skritching her little noggin to the end.

It's funny how a creature that is reviled by most folks could be so sweet and loving. Noodle was an exemplary rat who never bit and never knew a stranger. Her fondness for peanut butter (she pronounced it pinda budder) was legendary. She was my first rat, and will always hold a special place in my heart.Give a rat a chance, you won't be sorry. Visit the GARMCA website if you're interested.

Adventures in Self Improvement

Anyone who knows me knows that I am always up for a good laugh. Especially when it involves laughing at myself. So who am I to deprive you all from sharing in my latest adventure in economy self improvement? After all, I know that all my good friends out there will give me encouragement and loving comments and will not make fun of me for doing something so profoundly stupid as what I have just done.

Right? Yeah, right. Do I know you guys or what? You might want to not be drinking anything as you read further because this is good.

So today I ran a bunch of errands. Boring stuff really, get the oil changed, mail some stuff to Seattle, car tags, blah, blah, blah. On my way home, I took a wild hair (no pun intended, but you see where this is going) and went to Sally's to buy a nail file and pumice stone. I perused the store and couldn't help noticing all the neato ways one could improve your looks on a budget. This is heady stuff for someone who dosen't wear makeup and can barely match socks in the morning. I started noticing all the nifty colors you could dye your hair and struck up a conversation with the nice lady with blue hair (and I mean blue as in punk not blue as in old) about going a few shades lighter than mine. She helped me pick out a nice shade a bit lighter than my own color as I was going for SUBTLE, and not OVERT color.

My first clue should have been that she had blue hair (wink wink, nudge nudge). But she seemed nice, used big words appropriately, and assured me that it was SO easy, and so I went for it.

Wanna see? Of course you do. Here it is:


I promise this picture does not really do justice to my new color. My hair is now a lighter shade of blondey red. Subtle it's not. More like I doused my hair in lemon juice and sat in the sun like when I was 10. I suppose it's not bad, but I'm sure glad I didn't wait the whole 30 minutes or you would have heard about a certain blue-haired lady being snatched baldheaded.

I think I'll go for a bit darker next time, or perhaps pony up the cash and have an actual professional do it. Boy is this going to be fun when my roots show up. Maybe next time I want to change the color of something, I'll dye some yarn or something.

Ruthless attack on Corian sink-film at 11

Police are searching this evening for a large rock that ruthlessly attacked a Corian sink this morning causing catastrophic damage. The angelfish on scene said that the rock was removed from the fish tank and taken to the kitchen by a shadowy figure who brings food every day but rarely takes the rocks for cleaning. Shortly after the rock was taken to the kitchen, the angelfish said a crash was heard followed by unrepeatable expletives and wailing.

The rock is described as white with a fine coat of algae. If seen, please do not approach it as it should be considered wet and slippery and handled only whilst paying close attention and using two hands. This photo gives a representation of the culprit and is not an exact likeness. This is a picture of the sink shot shortly after the attack. Look away now if you are squeamish, folks. This is a horrific injury and not for the faint of pocketbook.Damage to the sink is said to be life-threatening and very expensive. The homeowner, Ms. Butterfingers*, swears never to buy Corian products again as she thinks that something should not cost more than 5 times it's original purchhase price to repair. She is relieved, however, as the damage is not nearly as expensive as what the orange and blue box people led her to believe in her initial fact-finding mission. For that, she is most grateful. Ms. Butterfingers hopes that others will learn from her experience and not be tempted to purchase anything other than stainless steel for their kitchen sink, no matter how pretty other materials may be.


*names have been changed to protect the distracted who should have been eating chocolate or knitting instead of cleaning the fish tank.

Cloning Boogers

I swear I am not making this up. You can't make this stuff up.

"It's a miracle!" McKinney repeatedly shouted Tuesday when she saw the cloned Boogers for which she paid $50,000. "Yes, I know you! You know me, too!" McKinney said joyfully as she hugged her snuggly baby Boogers.

Imagine. $50,000 for cloned Boogers. Heck, I'll give her some of mine for the bargain price of $5 each! Anyone in? Let's all mail her our Boogers! We could bury her house in them! Anyone in?

Of course, there's always a catch. You can read the whole article here. Sweet little sleepy, cuddly Boogers. Awwww.....

Bathroom!

The house is coming along nicely. The flooring where the termites ate my nice wood is replaced.

The downstairs has been sanded. It was lots of fun watching the floor guy do the sanding. He's not hard to look at, but I didn't think it would be nice to post a pic of him. You'll have to use your imagination. Think muscles, lots of them.

Ahem. Back to the post.

And the best news of all! I found (after calling nearly every tile store in the southeast, one in New Jersey, and one in Virginia) the perfect tile for our bathroom. It's a basketweave pattern that is much in keeping with the age of the house. I've always wanted it for a house and now we've got it! There's no sink in there yet, but the husbeast says the toilet and tub are installed and the new bathtub faucet/shower came yesterday, so I'd say the place has potential to one day be a real, functioning bathroom! Feel free to drop by and ask to use it.

Here's a shot of it grouted. We opted for a light gray grout to make the pattern show up without being too dark.

My search for the right kind of tub shower/faucet attachment took me far and wide. I finally landed at a place called Moluf's in Charleston. They have the most amazing toilet. I'll have to get pictures and tell you all about it later.

Everyone else is doing it, so I guess I will too.

What Laurie Means

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Interesting how a lot of this is true. Except I'm not the best of everything. And I'm not frequently incredibly happy. Especially now, with the husband 350 miles away, my dad fraying mightily, and several other things which constantly demand my attention. Oh well, no whining. That's just the way things are right now.

My new house. Wherein there is mass destruction.

Termites. I hates them. They eat things they should not and ignore the things they should. Because of them, this is what is in my living room right now. Bastiches. Did I mention that I hate them? I'll stop now before I start spiraling.
Seriously folks, if you haven't updated your termite bond, do so. Termites are teh suk. You don't want this happening to your home. See where those nails are sticking out? There used to be a 2"x 10" piece of lumber here. Now it's confetti. And the board it's nailed in to? Confetti too. Except that the party was had by bugs and not me.
What? That looks expensive? Why yes, yes it is. Thanks for noticing. When you fix something like this you should get a big, big bag of money and just hold it out to contractors repeating these words: "Go ahead, help yourself. No really, it's fine, I'll just pull more out of my butt. Take more, please! Don't be shy!" Until you pass out. I'm almost there!

But enough of painful activities. I have a new friend. This new friend is the bomb. And if you don't have one, you should because it's loads of fun. It's called a reciprocating saw or sawsall. And it does. Saws all, that is. I will love him and squeeze him and hug him and feed him and call him George.

This is what my subfloor looked like after termites and before George and I went to work.

There. Isn't that better? Cheapest therapy I've ever had. Highly recommended. Zippity, zippity. The reason I needed a reciprocating saw is that they don't build 'em like they used to. This is an example of the beams under my house. I hear they are in the attic too. 6"x12" solid timbers! Oy! The nice peoples are going to come tomorrow and put in new wiring because it currently looks like someone tied Medusa's hair together with a rat's nest poured glue on it and called it a day. No kidding, almost everything is original. That makes the wiring 73 years old. Say it with me: Scary, yeah.

Someday, it will be a nice house. At least, that's what they tell us. Donations are welcome. If you don't have money, you could also just come by and point out how we're doing it wrong or how we're crazy for doing this. I'd believe you.

It's been a bit busy out lately

Let me tell you, this has been one crazy period of my life. This has kept me from doing anything that isn't absolutely necessary. And thus the long delay in posting, which everyone is used to by now.

As you know, the husbeast is working in Charleston, SC. We have been looking for a house. Well, after a long and frustrating string of addendums, firefights and rude gestures, we finally bought one. The whole deal would have gone very smoothly but for seller's agent. Never in my life have I dealt with such a petty, unprofessional and blatantly rude person as this. If you live in the area, avoid this twit like the plague. I suspect that he knew he was going to get told off at closing because he brought one of his children with him as protection. Cowardly little man.

End rant. We bought a 1935 Craftsman-style house which, except for the windows and vinyl siding, is pretty much in it's original condition. It needs HVAC, a complete electrical rewire, termite damage repair, and updating in the kitchen and bath. Why didn't I take a picture of the front? IDK, but here's a few pics of the interior:

Last Saturday, we spent the entire day pulling up old carpet and exposing the wood floors underneath. That was so much fun, I wish I could do it every day. Especially in 98-degree weather with 80%+ humidity. This week the contractor guys are looking at the areas where termites feasted on said wood floors. Thankfully, the damage isn't as bad as we originally thought.

Here's some after shots:

See the little heater in front of the fireplace? That's an unvented gas heater. Carbon Monoxide poisoning, anyone? Me first!
I like the haint blue on the stair risers. Perhaps I'll keep it. At least then the boogeymen won't be going upstairs. I'm sure it won't do a thing to keep the cats downstairs, though.

And I've been refinishing my master bath, but that's another post altogether.

Good things about being sick

My darling husband was gracious and kind to share his funk with me the last time he was home. I appreciate it, truly. While it is no fun to be spewing contagion and speaking in squeaks and whispers, there are some good things about being sick.

1. Codeine. Codeine makes the world go round. One good dose of this stuff and I'm in happy land, only waking occasionally to cough as opposed to checking the clock every hour. It also makes you very mellow. So when the cat throws up on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night, you don't have that urge to kill like usual.

2. Steroids. 'Roids are wonderful. Not only do they restore one's ability to talk normally, they also enable you to clean your entire house, wash your car, rearrange your sock drawer, and organize your pantry-all in 1 hour. You can also eat an amazing amount of food while taking them without getting full. It's like paradise. That is, until you realize your pants don't fit. But at least the house is clean.

3. Work. Being really sick means you get to be out of work and sit around on your keister doing nothing all day. There's a lot to be said for this, considering how much I zoom around on an average day. Of course, I'm blogging, so it's not like I did nothing today.

4. Sleep. You should get lots of this when you're sick. Of course, in my house, that means that Daphne wants to sleep on your head. Theres nothing like a nice, warm, purring cat on your head. All is well until she unleashes a few SBDs and wakes you up to cough and try to clear the air. At least when the dogs fart it's under the covers. They have to sleep in their own green gas bubble.

I'd also like to take a moment to sing the praises of something called a Neti Pot. This humble device has made it possible for me to breathe again. It's pretty crazy. You fill the pot with a mild, warm saline solution, stick it in one nostril, turn your head over the sink, and it flows out of your other nostril. Whoa. Trust me, the first time you use it, it is most unpleasant. The sensation is reminiscent of diving into the pool and getting water up your nose. It's amazing what strange things you can blow out of your nose after using this thing. Shades of green which are really quite fashionable right now. I even saw one shade I might want to paint my bathroom. Don't care for the texture, tho.

The bad part about being sick is that it when it occurs on knit night, you can't go for fear of infecting your friends. But hey, at least I got to watch Mythbusters last night.

That's it! I'm now going back to bed. Goodnight!

Strange things indeed

I have a new camera. It is very wee. It fits in my purse, goes to Charleston, and creates all sorts of opportunities for mischief. Take for instance when I'm farting around in, say, Tuesday Morning with a few Snarkys. I can take pictures of the very odd things that they sell there. Wanna see what I found? Okeydokey!

This is fire-hydrant jelly jar. Simply fabulous! Everyone needs one, don't be shy. Go on and buy it. Only $5.99, what a bargain for me! Think of the possibilities. You could design your entire kitchen around this thing. See, I've solved all of your design dilemmas in one blog post! Genius!

Or this fabulous ear thermometer.
"Is it an Ear Infection?" I dunno. Is the fact that your baby is a screaming hot mess pulling at his ear clue enough? If not, then you really are a bad mother. No one wanted to tell you, but I will.

And if you're feeling not so fresh,this is offered for your bathing pleasure:
Or not. (Sorry about the picture quality. You can imagine the looks I was getting taking pictures. Polite interest does not begin to describe them. It was more like WTF??? Weirdo.)

Then there are the things which defy description. This masterpiece of ceramics is a cow-themed multiple-sauce-sampler-doohickey. With coordinating pink wire holder. Actually, none of us had any idea what the real purpose of this lovely kitchen(?) item might be.
There was no tag. Maybe it's a religious item used in a Chick-fil-a worshiping cult. It could also be something smuggled in from someone's dirty santa party because they were too embarrassed to keep it in their house (I mean, what if you dropped dead and strangers had to come clean out your house? What would they find? Think about it.)

You know, come to think of it, this would make a great dirty santa gift for next year. I'm gonna have to go back. Anyone want me to pick one up for them? Shoot me an email. Only $50! Such a deal!

Ok, on to the real news. Amy and I hooked up with Heather in Charleston last weekend. Heather is seen here in need of a cupcake. It was cold. That is an understatement.
We went to Victoria's Secret. They were having a sale. Yay! Lacy underthings for almost everyone! The husband was relegated to the boy's section:
All these men trying to look like they are not interested (no sir, not me) in all the estrogen around them. All the while, you know they're like "oh please, please, please buy the hot pink one! Awww man!"

And what trip would be complete without knitting? Heather is making great strides on her sock! She is a really smart cookie who really gets it! Go Heather!
And Amy made a wonderful chocolate cake with peanut-butter frosting, but there was nothing left to take a picture of. And a good time was had by all. That is all.

Thank heaven for little dogs...or not.

I know, two posts in as many days. Don't get excited, I promise I won't make a habit of it.

And in case any of you were waiting breathlessly about the yard fungus, well, let's just say that wild mushrooms don't freeze well. Alien invasion averted by a characteristic January cold snap. For now.

Most of you know my little dog Flip. He's so old he creaks when he walks. He has 4 teeth left in his head which causes his tongue to dangle out one side of his mouth. He has cataracts in both eyes. He is going deaf. He sleeps all the time, especially when I'm not around. When I'm around, he licks the couch or wanders around asking when the next ship to Tokyo leaves. He's never even been there.

That being said, feeding time is a literal mess. It looks something like this:
Flip eats so slowly that there's time to drive downtown, get a high colonic, and drive back all light and airy while he finishes. While he's smearing food all over the floor and getting at least some of it in his mouth, Zoe is rigid with excitement waiting for him to finish. In about 30 seconds flat, she swoops in
and cleans the entire floor. She's better than a Scooba.

I've always wanted a real dog. Like a greyhound or mastiff or something. But having spent a little time with 3 very loving dobermans, I've decided it's better to have little dogs. The dobies were sweet and wonderful, but they smoosh you when you try to sit on the couch. Literally.

Consider the way little dogs snuggle with you at night. Zoe is the best little hot water bottle around. Or consider the way she barks her fool head off at any perceived intrusion. Better than a burglar alarm. She also travels well and fits in a medium-sized handbag. And her tiny little poos. You won't get that from a big dog. That's why it's better to have little dogs. So says me.

Bye-bye, baby, baby bye-bye...

I sold my beloved first Miata today. She was so pretty driving off down the street. I hope the lady who has her now will love her as much as I did.

However, I have a new (well, kinda) Miata to make trouble in.
This is a '91 British racing green special edition. It's just out of the shop and is all shiny and pretty. On my next day off, I think I shall wash and wax it just for fun. It has a hard top and I just put in a new stereo and speakers. This should keep me from buying a Mini for a bit, don't you think?